Lying is a defense mechanism that people use naturally in different situations such as avoiding being judged, protecting our self-esteem, etc.
But we must know that this defense mechanism is false, since it can lead us to self-deception and emotional distress.
This mechanism is innate, but it can also be taught. In the case of children, it is the parents, above all, who serve as a mirror and role model. When parents teach to lie they can do so directly and indirectly:
- It is taught indirectly, for example in situations where they call on the phone to sell something and tell their children to say they are not at home
- It is taught directly in situations where children receive a gift that they do not like and their parents teach them to say yes out of commitment.
Children always have their parents as their guide, since they assume that everything they are taught is fine, and it is the parents who must set the example. But this is not always the case because parents used to lying always justify them and do not realize it. that the problem is that they are teaching their children lies as an escape route.
These parents do not understand the consequences that this type of white lie can become a regular repertoire in parenting. Children learn many of these early signs and lessons about social behavior by observing their parents and will incorporate them into various facets of their lives such as at school, with their friends and teachers. The behaviors learned will help them invent and always have an excuse or not fulfill their responsibilities.
That is why it is important that parents evaluate and be aware that they are a great influence on their children and should be focused on educating in values rather than perfection.
What motivates parents to lie to their children is the emotional thing in the first place. They use this emotional character to protect their children and avoid unnecessary suffering. For example, avoid telling the child that he has done something wrong.
Second use lies to control their behavior. Like, for example, telling him that if he continues to misbehave, the police will come.
Many times, even parents who promote the value of honesty in their children use white lies. They do this because they believe that the little ones are not prepared to hear the truth and will not understand it.
There is a study that shows that parents use the white lie on average once a day. We can find the following:
- 'If you eat everything, you will get very big'. When it is really genetics that takes care of this need.
- 'I don't know where your toy is'. Phrase that your mother could say when she had thrown away your favorite toy.
- 'If you don't behave ... The kings will bring you coal.' We have ever misbehaved and that has not happened. True?
- 'The park is closed today'. Or rather, today I don't feel like taking you to the park to play.
- 'That drawing is phenomenal'.
- 'We are about to arrive'. Those long car trips that we now go through as parents.
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